How to Cope
HOW TO COPE WHEN YOU’VE LEARNED YOUR SPOUSE IS UNFAITHFUL
You have just realized your spouse other has been unfaithful and cheated on you. The news of the infidelity has hit you like a ton of bricks.
You have hope that your relationship can survive your spouse cheating on you, however you feel ill to your stomach whenever you think about the affair. Here are some tips to get beyond the hurt, learn how to forgive and save your marriage.
Don’t make any major decisions about ending your marriage now just because your spouse has been unfaithful. This is the time to do some reflection on your marriage to see what other issues other than this infidelity need to be recognised.
Feelings are neither wrong or right, accept that your feelings, of uncertainty, shock, fear, pain, depression and confusion about having an unfaithful spouse are normal.
Take care of yourself, you may have some physical reactions to the infidelity such as nausea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, difficulty concentrating and not wanting to eat or you may binge eat.
Balance is the key to getting through this. Force yourself to eat healthy foods, stay on a schedule, sleep your regular hours, exercise each day and try to have some fun.
It’s okay and healthy to laugh. Watch some funny movies/TV shows. Spend time with people who make you smile and laugh. Remember life goes on in spite of heartache and unfaithful spouses.
Tears are healthy too, if you cant cry naturally put on some sad music or watch a sad movie.
Begin a journal, start writing all your thoughts down about your spouse’s unfaithfulness.
Ask all the questions you want. Talk to your spouse about the infidelity, ask questions.
Seek counseling, don’t go through this alone.
Take it one day at a time, don’t rush,
If children are involved they need to know you are going to be okay. You can’t hide the fact that you are going through trauma, be honest, but don’t weigh them down with details about how your spouse cheated on you.
Try not to get in the blaming game over who or what caused the infidelity, it’s a waste of energy.
Get practical, start looking at your finances, housing situation, transportation, etc. If you decide to end your marriage make sure you have thought out where you will live, do you have enough money to pay for your essentials, etc…
There is no simple answer to why someone becomes unfaithful. You may never truly know why it happened.
Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding it easier, such as was it a one night stand or an affair?, A sexual addiction or an act of retaliation.
Remember your marriage has changed, it doesn’t mean your marriage can’t be renewed and strengthened, because it can. But it will be different.
Think twice before you tell your family or your spouse’s family. Family members can often hold grudges.
Willingness to forgive, this takes time, but if you and your spouse want your marriage to work, it can it just takes time.
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