Charles J. Orlando of YourTango.com tells us to be on the look out for these 10 signs, that women are typically unaware of until it’s too late, after interviewing 50 unfaithful men (as well as a number of their wives or ex-wives):
1. His daily, predictable behavior starts to change.
Spending significant amounts of time with the same person, whether months or years, you tend to get a feel for their typical behavior. When that behavior shifts, you’ll want an explanation.
One respondent noted, “My wife knew I was cheating before there was any real evidence. She said she should could just tell.” When he just started his affair, he would spend up to a half hour in the bathroom communicating with the other woman. When confronted, he claimed to be reading email and news, however, the phone bill told a much different story.
2. He has unforeseeable and unprovoked mood swings.
Random, and completely unprovoked anger or being overly nice should raise some red flags.
“I was constantly looking for reasons to get away, and it was hard to think of new excuses all the time. So, I’d start a fight with her,” said another respondent.
Orlando notes that there is no real reason for him to leave, so starting a fight will create one.
3. There is a rapid change in weight/appearance.
Men engulfed in an affair begin paying much more attention to their appearance. They take care of themselves, much more than they have before. He’s ironing his shirts, changing his hairstyle, spending an exuberant amount of time at the gym, and even suddenly shaving everyday, ESPECIALLY when he’s leaving the house and you’re not tagging along.
One respondent recalls, “After I started my affair, I dropped like 10 pounds in about a week. It was crazy.”
According to Orlando, unfaithful men also “change physically. Their love handles disappear, their posture changes and their muscle tone/definition returns. It’s the body’s primal means of preparing for courtship — he’s readying himself to attract a mate.”
4. His taste in music changes almost overnight.
Don’t be worried if he wants to experience new things with YOU. It’s when there is an almost sudden shift in his tastes and you’ve been excluded from it…THAT is when you should be paying attention.
Another respondent noted, “I’ve never really liked jazz. But I struck up with this woman; we enjoyed it together. I started listening to it all the time, just to think about her.”
5. He remembers things wrong or loses track of the details.
“I was talking to my wife about a movie we saw and laughing about one of the scenes. She wasn’t laughing. I asked, ‘What? Don’t you remember?’ She then informed me that we hadn’t seen it together.”
Orlando explains that “As he spends more time with both you and his mistress, the memories of his time spent with her and the memories of his time spent with you will start to blur together. Schedules get crossed and he won’t be able to keep track of where he was on any given day. The time he spent with another woman is entirely unaccounted for — often, with no explanation.”
6. His need for privacy suddenly and rapidly increases.
We’re not talking about taking some alone time to read a book, go for a run, or settle down from the hustle and bustle of everyday life. We’re talking about when his need for privacy shifts out of his normal pattern, more and more frequently (suddenly going into work early, leaving extremely late, sudden phone hangups, etc.).
“I was working from home and I started closing the door more often, saying that the kids were loud or that I just needed to work quietly. I was online chatting with my mistress.”
7. His sexual appetite and style drastically change.
Straight from the horses’ mouths: “I started my affair and all I wanted was sex, but not from my wife. She knew something was up, because our sex life was always pretty active.”
“After I started up with [my mistress], I started sleeping with my wife much more often. She told me I was really aggressive in bed and that she hadn’t seen me that way before.”
Pay attention to the random change in what is regular/familiar in your sex lives together, especially when those “new” things he’s doing were never discussed because, according to Orlando, “All the men I interviewed expressed experiencing a huge rush of testosterone, which manifested as a new confidence during sex. They felt strong, masculine, virile — like every woman wanted them. Their egos were growing daily.”
8. He hides his financial/debit/credit history from you.
He has to fund his affair somehow (meals, gifts, hotels, trips, etc.). Credit and debit card statements, large cash withdrawals or transfers will help. But if he’s smart, he will try his hardest to hide it from you so there is no tangible, financial evidence. Be on the lookout for newly opened PayPal accounts, checking accounts, credit cards, etc. that you have absolutely no access to.
“I was meeting her for lunch almost daily. And our hotel visits were three or four times per week. Covering that was very difficult. I opened a PayPal account, got a PayPal debit card and attached a personal checking account to my PayPal account. I would make online transfers into PayPal and she couldn’t see any of my transactions.”
9. He has new “friends” at work and/or more work responsibilities.
We typically spend more time with our co-workers than we do with our spouses. Think about it! Workplace affairs are shockingly common, so be on the lookout when he’s spending more time at work, taking longer business trips, or mentions he’s hanging out with a new “friend” in the office.
“My company allowed me to work from home if I choose. But I’d started a relationship with a new manager at the office, so I started going in to work more often. When I extended my business trips a day before or after, I actually needed at a remote site, extended office lunches and late hours.”
10. He’s suddenly overprotective and over-secretive with his phone and other technology.
When you start to notice that his phone NEVER leaves his side, when there’s a new password protecting both his cell and computer, and other more obvious signs that he’s hiding something are still relevant, but do not underestimate today’s technology. It is easier than ever to mask communication with absolutely no trace.
“iMessages on the iPhone are untraceable on cell phone bills. I would only text [my mistress] when it was safe and then delete the messages immediately. To this day my wife doesn’t know how I communicated with [my mistress].”
“I bought SnapChat on my cellphone to communicate with her.”
“I didn’t want to send emails, which are traceable. So, we established a new Gmail account and communicated in the drafts folder, without ever sending anything.”
“We bought Gliph and were sending anonymous, ‘cloaked’ emails.”
Are these signs present in your current relationship? Want concrete proof? Suspicious? GET ANSWERS TODAY with ICU Investigations.